I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
