Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
