i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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