I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
