Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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