So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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