I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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