I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize