He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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