I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Everything about him screamed your future.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
