the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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