I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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