the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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