So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize