The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
