Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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