you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
