I just threw up on my dentist
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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