so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
