I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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