You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
COCAINE IS GR8
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
