One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
