I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
