its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
