the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
