I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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