We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
