I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
