I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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