i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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