WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
