I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
