She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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