Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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