i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize