i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
