you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
