i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
