we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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