Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
