this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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