It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
