I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the condom got lost in my hair
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
