So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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