Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
