I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
