Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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