Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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