The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
