i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
