this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
