With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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