This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Sober January is a disaster.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
