That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
