do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
