She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
