I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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