New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
