Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
