need another drink. this is the easiest way
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
