So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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