Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
