i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
