I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
We smell like vodka and hangover
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
