We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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