I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize