Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
