I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
