She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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