You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize