I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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