i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He kissed a someone with a penis
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
