Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
how drunk are you?
Several
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize