Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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