everyone is single if you try hard enough
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
