i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
