i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
