when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
