So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
