JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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