You're so nebulous sometimes
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am midnight drunk by noon
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
